• Trina

The memoir I hope this world can create from the uncertain times we are currently experiencing

The current world that we are living has probably opened our eyes to many things that we were aware of, but has enlightened our meanings of many aspects of life. I would like to start this period of conclusions from Covid-19 to say that this world can be confusing and strange. I say this in a way of us really understanding the privilege many of us have and although many already know, the capitalist centred opinions that society reinforces has bought this into a bigger spotlight.

There is the social brackets that include racism, inequality, social structures and culture to consider within this. The horrendous attacks on individuals from Asia to the despicable treatment of black individuals currently living in China is one example of this. Moreover, this has opened the topic of how black individuals have continuously spoken about how the term POC cannot be interchangeable. It feels like in this time that we have, the dominant powers of the world are being magnified and our stance on humanity is being explored almost with enlightenment on who some of us may have considered less than previously. Additionally, I personally have been thinking about if our treatment of those from different ethnic backgrounds will improve after this. The many that are called scroungers, fools, liabilities and many more, but are arguably the most hardworking in this time will continue to feel the shortcomings of this world and our beliefs as to what makes a human worthy. The irony of this when I have considered this takes me back to a therapy session I had last year when i wanted to discuss worthiness. I had trouble because of the world I have subjected myself to and what I had internalised meant there needed to be a criteria for what makes someone useful - perhaps from cultural backgrounds to social structures and the need to grind constantly. Nevertheless, everyone does have their opinions and observations, based on the world they perceive.

Through this time of presence, stillness and somewhat reflection, there may be individuals who will forever be suck in their unconscious/conscious bias, ignorance, hate towards many people, but I do hope for my generation who can stop the cycle of societal bonds and hate can be appreciative of all cultures. However, I want to point out that for black people, whilst this will not change for us in POC and societal rule, we never stop speaking out in times where we experience this, no matter the shouts who believe we are "making something from nothing" and "always complaining" - we are not. That falls into those who are discriminated against on a regular basis from those who are Muslim to a part of the LGBT+ community or those who fall into both, we are aware of them and although may not understand the reasons for speaking about injustices, they can ask, self-educate and become allies. Following Rihanna's speech when receiving an honorary award at the NAACP Awards, I do feel like this could be the moment that we can all learn to be allies in whatever way we can to causes that we can relate to or believe in. It may not forefront as a united force, however we can all make ways in standing up for what we feel is right and unfair. This includes those unpaid in jobs that are physically demanding, people struggling financially and many other situations that one can experience in life. This pandemic could create an outcome of uplifting and although we never know what someone is going through, this can help us be kinder more than anything, aware, observant and to speak yourself, your truth through it no matter what.

I do want to discuss those who do suffer from mental health, domestic abuse or are prone to relapse for any addiction or hard times. This is a very difficult situation for those and I want to highlight this at the upmost respect to those without being too graphic, but it may be hard to because I myself struggle from mental health, and I do want to be frank on some of the emotions those in these positions may feel. This is because I came across a tweet dated on the 6th April talking about those with suicidal thoughts in frank terms, should think about it before using hospital beds. When I read this tweet, as someone who sometimes struggles with relapse in mental health, I was disgusted, because in this time, those in circumstances mentioned above, are in an array of feelings, whether it would be not wanting to be here, struggling to get help, feeling alone, not wanting to disturb others due to being in the same situation, scared that getting help could out them into danger, living conditions, personal relationships and just the overall burden felt. It is a time where I would like to point out, that if you know someone in this mood to not judge them, for emotions that are already swirling and spiralling, they could act out in many ways. Although hard to picture or conceptualise, please be mindful that whether it is self harm, frustration, ghosting or just needing their time to be present, it may be THEIR own wavelength of life and death. On the contrary, check in on one another's emotional space and mental capacity to things you want to discuss as this may be triggering or difficult for your loved one's to talk about. To anyone that is currently really feeling low, please call a helpline or call someone you can freely speak to and do not be ashamed. I hope we can all create our safe spaces and happiness in a world that is currently silent in movement. May none of us feel so alone that we feel like we do not have a place, you really do and whether you see 0.001-5% of that, that is enough. You are enough and you are a valid and living person.

Even in this time of uncertainty, there are so many affected first hand; those in education, taking exams, those in hospital whether with the virus or without, those who love being outside to experience what they know as life, those who like to be occupied and doing stuff, gym lovers, families, the homeless, those who cant see vulnerable members of family, couples, this is something that for me for the first time in my 22 years can say that we are ALL in the same boat. The education system means that students alike across the UK and the world are still required to complete assignments, dissertations (for final year university students), high school students are inundated with a lot of work when normal routine has effectively disappeared. Many are struggling, some are alone, people are angry, some are not listening to social distancing rules and the most graving aspect of this is that we don't know when this will either end or how things will go back to regular proceedings. The one thing that I can personally say is 1) 2019 was a better year lol and 2) those born from 1990 can really say we have experienced some historic events.

But what i hope you can take from reading this post today is that, we all find things that make us content, people in the healthcare, manual labour and public sectors deserve more, there is a struggle in every situation, you DO NOT have to grind for 40 hours straight to get a result, time is of the essence but a pause is going to be worthwhile. Furthermore, life as we have perceived will come with new lenses following this. Coming out of this will lose many in the process in awful circumstances, but I think the lyrics in Beyoncé's BIGGER is the Trina Testimony to take away in that:

You are the living word Ah‚ you're part of something way bigger Bigger than you‚ bigger than we Bigger than the picture they framed us to see But now we see it

Step out your estimate Step in your essence and know that you're excellent Rise, the spirit is teaching

Stay well and safe all

Trina x

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